Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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