i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize