The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
