1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
