Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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