operation harelip BJ is a go
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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