I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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