she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
