You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
