I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
