just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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