She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
