do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
