i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
