At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Couch. On fire.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
