yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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