He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
