i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
