you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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