is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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