i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
