On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
