honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
