Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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