If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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