well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
