just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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