I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
