Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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