Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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