she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
