Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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