thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
