Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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