i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
