Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
