I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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