no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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