you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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