Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
