Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize