Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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