I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
