Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
