Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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