Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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