I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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