it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
