I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i think i just lost a toe
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize