the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
