Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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