Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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