I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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