I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
