My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
that is very illegal...i love you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
