he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Randomize
