Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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