so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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