In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
