So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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