She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
