Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
