FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
