the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
