did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
