I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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