watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
