These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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