Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
