o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
