if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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