he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
