Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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